The Buddha says that greatest gift one can confer on one’s deed ancestors is to perform ‘acts of merit’ and to transfer these merits so acquired. He also says that those who give also receive the fruits of their deeds. The Buddha encouraged those who did good deeds such as offering alms to holy men, to transfer the merits which they received to their departed ones. Alms should be given in the name of the departed by recalling to mind such things as, ‘When he was alive; he gave me this wealth, he did this for me; he was my relative, my companion,’ etc. There is no use weeping, feeling sorry, lamenting and wailing; such attitudes are of no consequence to the departed ones. Kindly refer (TIROKUDDA SUTTA).
Transferring merits to the departed is based on the popular belief that on a person’s death, his or her ‘merits’ and ‘demerits’ are weighed against one another and destiny is thus determined. Lifetime actions determine whether one is to be reborn in a sphere of happiness or a realm of woe. The belief is that the departed one might have gone to an existence in the spirit world. The beings in these lower forms of existence cannot generate fresh merits, and have to live on the merits which are earned from this world.
Those who did not harm others and who performed many good deeds during their lifetime will certainly have the chance to be reborn in a happy place. Such persons do not require the help of living relatives. However, those who have no chance to be reborn in a happy abode are always waiting to receive merits from their living relatives to offset their deficiency and to enable them to be born in a happy abode.
Those who are reborn in an unfortunate spirit form could be released from their suffering condition through the transferring of merits to them by friends and relatives who do some meritorious deeds. What happens is really quite understandable. When the dead person becomes aware that someone has remembered him or her, then he or she becomes glad, and this happiness relieves the suffering. As there is greater happiness accrued from repeatedly being remembered, the unhappy birth is transformed to a happy one. It has all to do with the power of the mind.
Some people simply waste time and money on meaningless ceremonies and performance in memory of departed ones. These people do not realize that it is impossible to help the departed ones simply by building big graveyards, tombs, paper houses and other paraphernalia. Neither is it possible to help the departed by burning joss-sticks, joss-paper, etc; nor is it possible to help the departed by slaughtering animals and offering them along with other kinds of food. Also one should not waste by burning things used by the departed ones on the assumption that the deceased persons would somehow benefit by the act, when such articles can in fact be distributed among the needy.
The only way to help the departed ones is to do some meritorious deeds in a religious way in memory of them. The meritorious deeds in clued such acts as giving alms to others, building schools, temples, orphanages, libraries, hospitals, printing religious books for free distribution and similar charitable deeds.
The followers of the Buddha should act wisely and should not follow anything blindly. While others pray to god for the departed ones, Buddhists radiate their loving-kindness directly to them. By doing meritorious deeds, they can transfer the merits to their beloved ones for their well being. This is the best way of remembering and giving real honor to and perpetuating the names of the departed ones. In their state of happiness, the departed ones will reciprocate their blessings on their living relatives. It is, therefore, the duty of relatives to remember their departed ones by transferring merits and by radiating loving-kindness directly to them.
Source: What Buddhists Believe by Chief Reverand Dr.K Sri Dhammananda